I Always Said I'd Come Back
by truthseeker97
Summary: Doctor Who oneshot! Amelia Pond had waited- waited until she could no longer cope. Her delusions of her Raggedy Doctor returning were taking over her mind; so Amy walked towards the edge of the cliff, no longer afraid of death. But still, she always wished that The Doctor would return for her. Trigger warning for self harm/ cutting and suicide/ suicidal thoughts.


**Author's note- I'm getting into Doctor Who quite a bit so I thought I'd start off with a small one-shot. There aren't many self harm or suicide fan fictions out there for the eleventh doctor, so I decided to do my own. This will contain a slightly OOC Amy Pond of age 16.**

**Trigger warning; do not read if this may trigger you.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Doctor Who or anything to do with it.**

I Always Said I'd Come Back

"Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me." Amy Pond sang quietly to herself as another tear snaked its way down her pale cheek. The day of her sixteenth birthday, but to her it was just any other day. She never did anything special for her birthday. Another tear fell. It made her jealous to think of all the 'normal' kids at school who received presents and cards and birthday cake; they had no idea what she would give to experience that. The silver blade glinted as it reflected the bright light of the small room; it now lay on the bedside table looking gentle and unassuming. Little splatters of dried and fresh blood marred the shiny silver surface of the blade, giving it a much more evil aura to it. With a shaky hand, the red haired teenager placed the sharp metal back in her box and hid it in her hiding place underneath her clothes in her chest of drawers. She didn't know why she bothered to hide it. If her aunt found out, she wouldn't care at all. Not that she ever saw her aunt anymore as she was usually either unconscious in her bedroom after a full night of drinking, or round a friend's house to get away from her hindrance of a niece. Long ago Amy had accepted the fact that she would never be loved by anyone, but it still hurt her more and more each day that passed. Nothing changed for her. Nothing got better. Instead- she just spiralled down into the dark abyss of depression that was slowly consuming her.

The fresh cuts covered both of her arms, criss-crossing lines of pain and sadness that acted as a cry for help- one that no-one would hear. They made a pattern on her once flawless skin, each cut told a story, the story of her sadness. Long into the late afternoon Amy let the tears keep flowing, one drop after another- a repeated routine that occurred almost every night.

In a world full of people, Amy felt so alone.

There was a time- nine years ago- when she thought that there was hope. Even if it was just a sliver of hope. But that hour or so had been the best moments of her short life. When her raggedy doctor came crashing out of the sky, showing her that not all adults were bad, she had wanted to travel with him forever. He was different. He wasn't like other adults; he was so much better. With a simple smile he made her giggle, and as he ate his fish fingers and custard Amy would laugh at the sight of the funny man. To her, he was magical. The Doctor was her knight in a blue box.

He said that he would be five minutes.

The minutes turned into hours, then hours turned into days, then those days turned into weeks before becoming months and years. Deep inside, Amy still thought that he would come back and save her from this hell hole. To show her that life wasn't all that bad; to take her away on wondrous adventures and to show her things that no-one else would ever see. But maybe that was just a childish fantasy. At least, that's what the professionals kept saying. 'You have to accept that he was just an imaginary friend.' 'This fantasy has to stop, he was never real.' Amy ignored every snide remark and comment made about her raggedy doctor; she never lost faith in him. There were times that she doubted his existence, but she knew he was real. She could never make up someone so brilliant, so fantastic and funny. So she would always be waiting, in the hopes that he hadn't forgotten about her.

But everyone forgets about Amelia Pond.

No longer could the young girl cope with it all. Even the cutting had stopped being as effective. The pain just kept growing, nothing was getting better, and it would most likely spiral downhill anyway. She didn't matter to anyone, so no-one would miss her... At least that made it much easier. Brushing away another tear, Amy thought that the chances were that no-one would even notice her disappearance. She had no-one. Not even her raggedy Doctor would miss her.

With a heavy step, Amelia Pond- the girl with the fairytale name- walked out of the house she could barely call home and headed off in the direction of the cliffs. As she walked, she thought she heard the sound of the TARDIS groaning and whirring as it crashed into her shed. She even thought she heard her name being called. But it was probably just the voices again. After all, Amy always thought she heard the TARDIS, but when she looked around with her hopes up high it was never there. So she didn't look back, she just kept walking. Her hopes had hit rock bottom.

Amy had always been afraid of dying. The fear of the unknown and what was waiting on the other side was a common anxiety amongst many people. But now, she had become accustomed to the constant, intrusive thoughts of death. After a while it didn't scare her as much. Now it even seemed... peaceful, serene. However it frightened her how calm she was; how nonchalant she could be about something like this. But what else did she have left to live for?

It was so quiet; all that could be heard was the crunching of leaves under the red head's feet and the birds chirping merrily in the trees. Not even the wind made a sound as it gently whirled through the land around her. Amy rolled up her sleeves, no longer caring if anyone saw, because no-one would anyway. There wasn't a soul around to see her despair. The angry red cuts stood out against her pale skin, and her heart throbbed a little. She hadn't been walking long before she reached the top of the cliff. The lush, green grass swayed gently as she looked down at the drop below her; Amy's heart skipped a beat. Standing a step away from the edge, Amy took a deep breath. Now wasn't the time for second thoughts. Instead, the last thought she wanted to have was of the Doctor. The madman with a blue box. She closed her eyes and remembered back to the night she met him. Smiling sadly at the memories, the troubled teenager felt the tears flow.

"Amelia!" She heard her name being called. But she shook her head, it was just her imagination. Holding her breath and clenching her fists, Amy shuffled right up to the edge of the cliff, looking out at the view before her.

"Amelia stop, please!" A desperate voice behind her yelled. She frowned in confusion. It was a voice she knew so well, despite the fact that she hadn't heard it in nine years. "Please, step away from the edge," The voice pleaded.

No longer able to distinguish the difference between her mind and reality, she turned to look behind her, prepared to be faced with absolutely nothing.

The man stood there- his floppy hair blowing slightly in the wind, his green eyes wide with worry. He was dressed in a brown jacket, a light coloured shirt and a red bow tie. Despite the fact that he had lost his raggedy look, Amy knew him so well. But no! He couldn't be there! Why would he return after nine years just in time for her suicide?

"Stop it, you're not real!" Amy sobbed, "You're just like every other hallucination, you aren't there, stop torturing me!" Her hands trembled beside her.

"Amelia, I can assure you that I'm real." The Doctor held up his hands as he edged closer to her.

"No, you're not! You always say that. Why come back to me after nine years?" She furiously brushed away the tears.

"I'm so sorry; there was a problem with the TARDIS, what was five minutes to me turned out to be nine years for you. I never meant for this to happen, I never meant to leave you like that."

"Then why are you here now?" Amy refused to believe that he was real as she backed up to the edge of the cliff again.

"Because I promised to come back!" He said desperately, "I always said I'd come back. I wouldn't break this promise to you Amelia Pond." Amy shook her head. Closer towards her The Doctor cautiously moved, arms outstretched to her. "Please Amy, come towards me. I'm here now; I'm never leaving you again. I'm so sorry." Amy made no move, but he kept going towards her.

"How do I know you're real this time?" Amy whispered, "You're too good to be true."

"Let me prove it to you," The Doctor answered in a gentle voice as he finally reached her, terrified that she would still jump. Amy made no move either way, wanting to believe him so badly, but too scared of being hurt again.

With a tenderness that is near impossible to come by, The Doctor tentatively wrapped his slender arms around the sixteen year olds slim body; pulling her into a tight, safe hug. The first hug she had received in what was probably forever. Amy was stunned, she couldn't speak, she couldn't move. But she could feel his warm body; hear –what sounded like- two hearts beating. With a choked sob, Amy carefully lifted her arms to his body- scared that he would disappear if she touched him.

"I'm not going anywhere," he murmured as he held her tighter. The teenager finally gained the courage to wrap her arms around his waist, gratefully returning the hug. And he didn't disappear.

With the tips of her fingers, she gripped his clothes tightly, almost to assure herself that he was real.

"You're really here," she said in a disbelieving whisper.

"Of course I am," he replied softly as he rubbed her back, feeling the wetness of her tears dampen his shirt slightly- not that he cared, "I'm sorry for what I did. I assure you that it was purely accidental. And if you want me back, I promise to never leave you like that again." All he got in reply was a sob and more tears as the girl gripped him even tighter.

"I was so scared." She murmured her voice very quiet, "I was so alone. You were the only person who ever gave me hope." The Doctor winced, the guilt from before intensifying. Knowing that he was one of the reasons she almost took her life hurt him more than he could let on, but he was glad he had come in time to save the girl with the fairy tale name.

"Come on, let's get you home, someone must be waiting for you... was it your aunt Sharon?"

"She doesn't care about me, I never see her anymore. I have no-one," Amy shook her head, burying it deeper onto his chest; wanting to feel the beat of his heart to ensure that he was alive, and that he really was there. The Doctor didn't quite know what to say. He couldn't grasp how someone as sweet and pure as Amy could be all alone in the big wide world.

"Let's get you home anyway," He said all the same, finally releasing her of the embrace. She missed the warmth, and her heart skipped a beat, terrified that he would fade and disappear. The man with the bow tie stepped back, away from the edge, gesturing for her to follow. But she hesitated, glancing over at the drop below. Sensing her sad direction of thoughts, The Doctor stepped forward and took her hand in his own- letting her know that he was really there. Amelia Pond gave him a smile, one of the first genuine smiles since she last saw him as they made their way silently, hand in hand back to her house.

Night had fallen by the time they had returned. Each star in the dark seemed to sparkle and glisten as the moon basked the world in a light glow of pale colours. The temperature had considerably dropped, but as long as Amy was by the side of her Doctor- gripping his hand- then she didn't care how cold it became because she finally had her wish. Seeing the sight of the TARDIS and the crushed shed beneath it, the fiery haired girl stifled a giggle at the familiar sight. And she wondered if she really had heard the TARDIS land and The Doctor shout when she started to walk to the cliffs. The Doctor seemed to remember where her bedroom was and he led her upstairs so that she could lie down.

As Amy sat on the bed, never taking her eyes off the mysterious man before her, she was surprised when he sat beside her. Lifting up her arm, he started to roll the sleeves up again. Amy jerked her arm away, but he held on gently. Knowing this was a battle she didn't want to fight, she let him roll the material of her long sleeved top up carefully. With a feeling that she would- once again- face utter rejectment, the troubled girl refused to look at The Doctor any more. With her arms bare and pain showing she sniffed, fighting back tears. She caught a glimpse of his tight face, and wondered what he was thinking.

"Look at me Amy," he said; she was surprised to hear his voice so calm and gentle. With worry in her eyes, she lifted her face to look at him again. But all she saw was care and concern in his young face. "I'm not angry. Never think that I'm angry." He whispered as he kissed her arm before drawing her into another hug.

The Doctor hated himself, for doing this to Amelia, albeit unintentionally. But in that moment he vowed to do whatever he could to repay her for all this hurt and pain he had caused.

"Don't leave me again," Amy pleaded.

"Never."

"Thank you for coming back," she whispered as her raggedy doctor brushed away one of her tears.

"I always said I'd come back," he said with a small smile, "Thank you for waiting for me."

Rarely did they talk about what had happened that night at the cliff, neither of them wanted to relive the fact that they could have lost each other. The Doctor could have watched Amelia Pond jump to her death; and Amy could have jumped no knowing that her raggedy doctor always planned to come back for her. The scars had long faded, both emotional and physical; and every now and then, The Doctor would make a point of taking the red-head's arm and kissing the skin where the scars lay. It was his way of showing that he would never do that again, and that he was sorry for all the pain he had caused. And in those moments, he would murmur, "I always come back." As he would wrap his hands around her in a warm hug.


End file.
